VOICEMAIL PROMPT: At the tone, please record your message. When you have finished recording, press one for more options. NARRATOR: Hey bud. Just wanted to hear your voice. I am getting sick of paying your phonebill though. I’ve been sitting here, not much going on. Wanted to talk at you for a minute. You probably…More
Category Archives: Fiction
Weird text and audio written and read aloud by the author.
A Story About Death and Dying for Children, sans Illustrations
Shane loved to feed the birds. He would watch out his window as the cardinals flew from the feeder with a single sunflower seed or a grackle shoveled its way through the mess looking for exactly the right morsel. One day he noticed a crow overhead, simply watching. Shane didn’t know why it chose to…More
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Rejecting Mother
Transcript: Intake Specialist : What do you mean when you say you ‘didn’t have much going for you? Client: Just that. Not much of a future. I was plankton. Just drifting. Intake Specialist : So late teens, early twenties… a bad time. Client: Right. I left home early. I didn’t know how to do anything.…More
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Not Satan, Not Evil
Tyler walked through the woods and fought the urge to turn on his phone’s flashlight. Someone might see him if he did that. Also, it didn’t seem fitting for a Satanist to be afraid of the dark. Not only was he a Satanist, he was also certain that he was evil, or at least getting…More
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Bedtime Stories for Haunted Children
June’s life was very hard. Her mother was sick, and this sickness made her cry all day. It made her have to lie down for long hours, staring at the ceiling. June’s mother dragged herself through life, from the food pantry to their little apartment and, once a month, to the doctor, a man who…More
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A House With a Hole in its Heart
Paul woke up to a buzzing sound and wondered, “Is this me?” The question wasn’t whether or not he was making the noise. The question was whether or not the sound was inside of him. It could have been a dream, or worse, that he was hearing something that wasn’t audible to anyone but him.…More
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The Veracity of Dreams
Reflections on prophecy and speculation in agricultural markets Transcript I will not offer myself to you as a seer. I will offer myself as a liar, and a person who has thought of lies and studied lies, believed them and then saw the truths beneath. I will begin by telling you: I was tired of…More
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Helping
Two copper pirates excavate the past and gain insight into the nature of the mental health system. Transcript [Sound of saw. Clanging of metal. Then trailing off.] [Footsteps.] James: I’m feeling okay about this. Pull this out of the wall, throw it in the trailer, at the yard tomorrow. But could you stop digging through…More
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Roadkill
A slow march through a long winter in a forgotten place in America. Transcript Narrator: Shit. How many toenails? How were there eleven? That’s not even how people cut their nails. Okay. A weird story. So yeah, I grew up way North on 91, between exits. Adult Peanuts Character: Inaudible. Narrator: Well, you wouldn’t know…More
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"The Devil Will Grind Your Head In Powder" 